One day this will make you proud...

So tonight I caught up with a few of my friends that I really missed for a year. Andd I am really wanting the JBST back.. like literally SO BADLY IT HURTS.


Let's stay togetherrrrr. Stay togetherrrrr.



I miss my boys, oh fyi, you're so gay you dyed your hair the same color as Nick's Effing gay.


Seriously? I wasn't THAT obsessed. I actually had a reason to dye my hair. Its called highlights gone wrong. So, shove your dye up your ass and I hope he looks at you funny.



Kay, I'll see you around.

Even though it was mutual it still hurts inside.

You can't just be another picture to burn.

Today a lot of things went through my mind. I started realizing how pathetic this is, and how I really need to move on. But as easy as that sounds, and how much I want to accomplish it.. well, it isn't easy.. And right now, I don't have the will or determination to even TRY. I am too beat down right now from the pressure, from the drama, and from the depression, yes full on DEPRESSION, because of you already.

The only few people getting me through this are my best friends. Nicolette and Joyce are always there whenever I need to talk or just to vent to. Ashton is always there to talk to even if she has an away message up. Alyssa is always there too. But something's missing in all of this. It's like there's a piece of the story missing..

When you write a story, there's a setting, a plot, characters, a climax, a beginning and an end. And something in this story is missing. We have a setting, characters, somewhat of a plot, a beginning, but no climax and definitely no end. I still don't understand why I always feel like this. It's so messed up. And confusing.

And it's weird, because when I go through something, Nicolette goes through it too, so we can relate through that.

I hate living 3000 Miles away from two of my best friends. And summer needs to happen. 53 days of school left until it.

"Stay strong, it's worth it in the end."

It better be.

I buy into those eyes, and into your light.

You say you'll call but I know you,

you say you're coming home but I know you,

you say you'll call but I know you won't.

You say you'll call but I know you won't.

WOW. DROP DEAD. LITERALLY. I HATE YOU.

Tonight I said something I thought I would never say in my life. And it was simply "I could never regret them." It's true. I could never regret the past three years, and being in love with love, and being in love with the thought of love.. and I couldn't even think of what I was doing for three years.. but now it's so perfect, for you, and not so much for me.

I don't know what to say to you, all I know is that I want just one more hug, one more embrace.. and I'll be fine.. I'll be fine..

Wow.

Cause hugs are overrated just FYI.

I didn't put cons for a reason.

Are you going to be waiting up when I get home?

Well, things suck. i had a conversation yesterday about small concerts..


I really miss those. Like when it was 100 people and half were parents.. and we just stood there dancing and looking up at Joe embarrassing himself. Those were really prime. And I miss them.. But then again, I like seeing Joe embarrass himself in from of 16,000 people.. its fun hahaha.

But yesterday, a lot of things came into perspective.. especially when we were driving and almost got in a car accident. That was wonderful. But I remember who those boys are.. and how weird Nick is when he laughs, and how funny Joe is, and how 'chipmunk' like Kevin is. And it made me smile.. mostly laugh, but smile. Because I realized that they still are "our boys" and we can never change that. Once you have met those boys once and had Joe laugh at you, or one of Kevin's hugs, or seen Nick blush.. it's over. You're hooked.


It's like a drug. And most drugs.. are bad. I think this one has its good.. and has its bad.

Pros:

• When you are in LA, you can always see them somewhere.. Even if it's on a billboard.
• If you think about it, you have met them, I mean, how many people can say that?
• Not many.
• And how many people can say that they have a poster that Joe Wrote: "Nicee. I like!" on it?
• NOT MANY.
• And how many people can say that they got a Nick picture when he smiled? NOT MANY.
• And how many people can say they got to see them when Joe's "area" and his legs were getting blood flow? NOT. VERY. MANY.
• And how many people can say they heard Nick perform "Nick J Is Off The Chain"?
• And how many people heard him perform One Day At A Time? NOT MANY.
• And what about "6 Minutes"? NOT MANY AT ALL.
• And WHAT ABOUT "I AM WHAT I AM"? How many people can say they heard that song?
• And "Yo Ho?" NOT MANY NO NO NOT MANY.
• And how many.. can say that they saw those boys, when they came on stage to "Snap Yo Fingers"? I can.

I can say it. I can say all of those things. Especially the Snap Yo Fingers one.. because Nick was such a dork. Hahaha.

And how many people can say they KNEW he had diabetes before he announced it? I can.

I guess that all this time we have lost sight of what's wrong and what's right. We wanted this, we voted for this, we made people buy their albums.. so why are we complaining? Because we aren't getting credit? Well, did you expect to get credit? You aren't the ones singing on stage for 2 hours every night. You aren't the ones going on non-stop tours. You aren't the ones who have to wake up at 2AM and get off the bus to go into the hotel to sleep. You aren't the one who can't even go see a movie without being bombarded by fans. You aren't the ones who have to wear sunglasses and scarves and hats while you are in public. You aren't the ones who don't get to have a personal life. You aren't the ones who can't have a girlfriend/boyfriend because you never see them. And you aren't the ones who gave up any sign of a normal life for the one everyone led you to.

SO WHY ARE YOU PISSED OFF? If you are like me, you are the one sitting out in the rain for 8 hours to by tickets. You are the ones sitting in the back of the 16,000 ampitheatre, with your poster that says "'05 & '06 FANS!" You are the ones crying during every song because you think they have "changed". GO LOOK AT YOUR PICTURES FROM WHEN YOU WERE 13 AND THEN NOW. Tell me you haven't changed, and I will show you 4567895678 people who have. If you think that you are going to sit there, and something is going to magically happen like, KEVIN is going to remember you from 2006 Bamboozle, think again. Don't just sit there and wait for something to happen.. do it for yourself. You are the one that was there on the way up, and will be there on the way down.

Sit in the back, and scream your loudest.
Cry during every song, cry your hardest.
Laugh when they are being dorks, laugh until you cry.
Remember all the times you had, because they won't be forgotten.
Forget all those fans who think they are the shit, because they aren't.
But mostly, remember the boys for who they were, they'll come back.. just let them have their moment.

And overall, support them. Can I get an AMEN?

Hold your head up high, you're never wrong...

Great things come in small packages, God works in strange ways, and the world spins on its axle no matter what happens in your life.


When things go wrong, I'm really glad that I have people to fall back on.
And when hearts get broken, I'm really glad to have people to rely on.
And when things go right, and hearts mend, someones always there to hold my hand.


Well, today was kind of... interesting. Nicky woke me up, surprise there. Then I got online, got to school at half past nine, and I still miss you. Yeah, except not so much. I got online lmao and then I talked to Nicolette for a while, and Ashton too. Kelly Michelle and Ashton aren't coming anymore... Which is really sad.. cause now I really have nothing to do. LMAO. Well, oh well. Hahaha

I'll find somethingg.


Anyways today was actually super fun. I got a few surprises.. went to the movies in LA with surprises and thenn came home and am now chilling.

Today's Life Lesson:

Friends are always there for you no matter what. Isn't that cool though? To know that no matter what, your friends are there. There to call you a fag, there to tell you to shut up, and there to help you plan out your vacations to the minute. Isn't that cool?


I love having best friends.


yes, yes I do.

Living out the same old moment..

Knowing you'd me better off instead

if you could only

say what you need to say,

say what you need to say,

say what you need to say..

So today was fun.Hahaha My spacebar is kinda broken hahaha. but whatever.







I'm bored





Hahahaha sorry. Moretomorrow





♥Al