Gay

School. Is. Gay. Shit.
<3
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

One day this will make you proud

Well tonight, I feel like.. well, let me explain to you.


First, it was SO AMAZING. I get home, talk to Nicky, we plan out half their trip. bam. Take a shower. Call Joyce. Bam. Me and nick and joyce talked for over an hour and a half. then Nick bought tickets. thennnnnnnnnnnnnn joyces ticket got bought.


now theyre coming
im excited


but a few minutes ago, I want to tell you really fast one of my pet peeves.

When someone says something like, "Haha don't bother." AND THEN YOU SAY hahah no its okay. and then they REPEAT IT. "don't bother." ITS FREAKING RUDE.


its like when you are talking to your best friend and shes pissed and you're like HAHA WHATS WRONGGG and shes like haha nothing. and youre like no REALLY WHATS WRONG and shes like FUCKING NOTHING OKAY?


It's like that. And it pisses me off. Because it gives off a bad tone.

Fucking Jackass.


Kay goodnight.

Life is Tough

Welllll title pretty much explains my day...

It sucked. Then I had a phonecall with Joyce and Nicky and it didn't
suck. Then it sucked. Then Nicky and Nickys mom reserveeddd PLANE
TICKETS, so it LESS SUCKED.

Okay goodnight. Hahahaha
<3
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Running Away Is Never the Answer

Life gets hard, but without love there's nothing left.


Even in life when things get really really hard to deal with, and everything is going down hill, it doesn't matter. You can't get away from your problems. Your problems follow you where ever you go. Even if your problems are in New Jersey, and you move to California, you're problems ARE STILL THERE. Even if you run and run forever, never stopping to take a breath, your problems are alway going to fallow you. Until you solve them, you can't get rid of them. And honestly, by the time you solve them, you will have new ones.. so it won't matter.

And if your problems don't follow you for some run of the mill reason, well, they'll come around. I promise. Even if you don't want to believe me, I swear, they will. You will always stumble over your problems sometime in life, so running away is never the answer.

Sometimes you feel like you need to get away some place, but there's no where to run, no where to hide. When I feel like this, it usually takes about a week.. maybe two, to go away. It's like you're stuck in a fishbowl, being watched by everyone, and just captured in there. It's scary. You don't know what to do, and it feels like the walls are closing in, and the oxygen is leaving. Like pressure is pushing down on you, and you don't even know what to do. The best thing to do is just take a deep breath, and talk to your best friends. They'll make you smile, and help you through it however they can.

I have a lot of times where I feel like things go wrng because I deserve them.. like I did something bad in my life, so something bad has to happen in return to even the karma out. Well, suddenly in the past week, I have felt like it has nothing to do with my life. Things happen for a reason, and maybe when I get older I'll unnderstand it.

Right now I don't understand half the things going on in my life. It's falling apart faster than flakey corn bread. Things are going down hill, but I'm just waiting for the strength and motivation to pull everything back together again. And I'm waiting for God to let me do that. I know I can do it, I just need a little push in the right direction, and a little support along the way. Life is a really long, hard journey, and once you get on the right track, not only is there no turning back, but it's just laid out for you. It's all right there, in front of you all you have to do is dig down deep and find the strength to walk it.

So I'm going to try, but to get there I'm going to need my best friends right next to me. Because otherwise.. I don't think I'll get there at all.

One day this will make you proud...

So tonight I caught up with a few of my friends that I really missed for a year. Andd I am really wanting the JBST back.. like literally SO BADLY IT HURTS.


Let's stay togetherrrrr. Stay togetherrrrr.



I miss my boys, oh fyi, you're so gay you dyed your hair the same color as Nick's Effing gay.


Seriously? I wasn't THAT obsessed. I actually had a reason to dye my hair. Its called highlights gone wrong. So, shove your dye up your ass and I hope he looks at you funny.



Kay, I'll see you around.

Even though it was mutual it still hurts inside.

You can't just be another picture to burn.

Today a lot of things went through my mind. I started realizing how pathetic this is, and how I really need to move on. But as easy as that sounds, and how much I want to accomplish it.. well, it isn't easy.. And right now, I don't have the will or determination to even TRY. I am too beat down right now from the pressure, from the drama, and from the depression, yes full on DEPRESSION, because of you already.

The only few people getting me through this are my best friends. Nicolette and Joyce are always there whenever I need to talk or just to vent to. Ashton is always there to talk to even if she has an away message up. Alyssa is always there too. But something's missing in all of this. It's like there's a piece of the story missing..

When you write a story, there's a setting, a plot, characters, a climax, a beginning and an end. And something in this story is missing. We have a setting, characters, somewhat of a plot, a beginning, but no climax and definitely no end. I still don't understand why I always feel like this. It's so messed up. And confusing.

And it's weird, because when I go through something, Nicolette goes through it too, so we can relate through that.

I hate living 3000 Miles away from two of my best friends. And summer needs to happen. 53 days of school left until it.

"Stay strong, it's worth it in the end."

It better be.